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Intriguing Dating Profiles | Psychology Today
Since online dating began, many of my patients have shared dating profiles of potential relationship partners with me. Despite many connections, most are disappointed with the difference between whom they expect to meet and who shows up. It is difficult to capture the myriad of personality characteristics, histories, personal attributes, likes and dislikes, and prior disappointments that describes everyone, psychology face online dating profiles, in a few short paragraphs.
How does one summarize a life of experiences in an interesting and attractive presentation when you have no idea who is on the other end? And how can anyone know who is behind the profiles of others? The way most people deal with these understandable conundrums is to rely on the media to tell them how they should best present themselves online.
It does, however, keep the risk factor down. Better to be safe than sorry, better to not say things that could be misconstrued, better to risk rejection of parts of the presenter that he or she can afford to lose. Unfortunately, once a relationship gets going, those masks must eventually come off, and disappointments often follow.
Though it may be more anxiety producing to be more authentic up front, I believe that it is far more successful in the long run. Their common argument is that they will have the best chance of getting good responses if they follow those guidelines. A few brave souls have allowed me to guide them into writing a very different kind of dating profile, one that is much more open and risky. These profiles are much more accurate descriptions of who they truly are and what they really want in a partner.
These more successful, authentic dating profiles contain more visuals, evoke more emotion, and share psychology face online dating profiles profound experiences. They are, for want of a better phrase, more intimate.
Typical profiles describe more personal data. When you read these profiles, you have learned what that person wants you to know about them, psychology face online dating profiles, but little about who they are.
The following directions and examples will help you see the difference between a traditional online profile and an intimate, authentic one. Make two private lists for yourself. On the first, put everything you know about who you are.
Include significant history, personality characteristics, any strong opinions, expectations of others and the world at large, people you admire, hopes and dreams. Add anything else you can think of that you feel is important that truly represents who you are. Physical, emotional, mental, sexualphilosophical, spiritualand political thoughts and actions are all part of you.
The second list is what you imagine to be a perfect relationship. If you could create the kind of partnership that would fulfill your most profound expectations, what would it be like? Who would be that person that matches you perfectly? It might never come true for me. I love people who stand up for themselves and not scared.
I read a lot, but mostly romantic novels. I want desperately to love someone who loves me, too. I am a good friend. We would share everything and be a team, especially when either one of us need support. And I must have animals around me. They keep me from being lonely. Was this woman, using her explorations of self, to write a typical, carefully scripted, online dating profile, it might sound something like this:. I have a good job and would like to be with someone who also likes what he does.
I know that finding the right person is not easy, but I am willing to do whatever I can to create a good relationship. I am idealistic and romantic at heart, but I also am very practical. He would ideally be a social person who enjoys family and friends, psychology face online dating profiles. He likes being the head of a family and sees his partner as an equal. In this profile, she is doing everything she can to be as honest as she can, psychology face online dating profiles, without revealing any of her deeper fears and insecurities, or making the game too hard for him.
She dances around her pessimism and tries to sound more optimistic than she feels inside. Here is what the same person could say if she were open, real, and unscripted. This profile contains all the important information she needs to get across but has her true essence within it. I know that I could truly love the right person with all my heart and that my insecurity and shyness would melt psychology face online dating profiles the other end of that man.
Most men like me a lot at the beginning of a relationship but then take advantage of my giving nature. The only emotion that pushes me away me is intense anger.
I need to know that he trusts my goodness and that he would not carelessly hurt or take advantage of my vulnerability. His friends would need to see me as someone wonderful and good for him so that I would be welcomed. Oh, and he would need to love kids, and animals, too. If he had that love of taking care of people, I would safe with him. We would both like to look at each other and to share our deepest feelings without being afraid.
In these simple contrasting examples, I hope that you can see and know the person better from the second profile more than you could from the first. Can you feel her emotions and thoughts as she is writing to you? Would she more likely to be the same person when you meet her as you thought she would be from her description? The last step is for psychology face online dating profiles to first write your own carefully scripted profile.
Then write an intimate one that takes more chances and shows who you truly are behind your words. If they choose the second one, take the chance up front to risk the adventure.
Randi Gunther, Ph. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are. Psychology face online dating profiles Gunther Ph, psychology face online dating profiles. Rediscovering Love. Intriguing Dating Profiles How to construct an authentic online dating profile.
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Psychologist Shares How Men Can Improve Their Dating App Profiles
, time: 15:10Writing an Online Dating Profile That Works | Psychology Today
AdDating Has Never Been Easier! All The Options are Waiting For You in One Place. Read Reviews & Compare The Best Dating Sites Out There!Zoosk - Best Dating Site - $/month · Match - Best for romance - $/month · Creating an honest and authentic online dating profile. Based on over , face-to-face hours Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from · Online dating is one of the most common ways to find a mate in the U.S. today. According to a study of over 1, participants by Statista, 17 percent of respondents
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